As far as I can think back, even as a child, I was always helping out others with everything. I remember family get togethers where I'd be assisting my mother with prep and also clean up. I remember being around 11 years old where I would also be helping out with whatever she needed in her daycare business. As a child, my parents were the protective type. I was never really allowed to go out and play with other kids outside. I spend the majority of my childhood in my apartment and can count a handful of times where I was allowed to go to a friends house, under the supervision of her mother or outside on my bike, but had to be in my parents view. The secludedness wasn't the main cause of my issues, even though I got made fun of most of the time because of it. The biggest issue I was dealing with was the abuse I ended up going through. I was molested at a very young age, to physical abused, then grew into verbal and emotional abuse. Because this was happening to me, I assumed I was constantly doing something wrong or I wasn't good enough. Some key knowledge......our childhood experiences is where our patterns/habits are formed. I was conditioned to understand right from wrong by what my parents had taught me. How was I know to any better? And they only know what’s right and wrong from what they were conditioned by their own upbringing.
Because of the fact I got picked on a lot and bullied, I always tried to fit in, to be liked. I became what society would call, a "follower". I thought the only way I could be accepted was if I did what others expected/wanted from me. So I did just that, to have "friends". What a silly perspective, I came to realize through my inner healing journey. But I was definitely unaware of the consequences that being a follower would lead me.
It wasn't an easy task. I had to keep up with the crowd, on top of having really strict parents. But I didn't care of the consequences because I HAD FRIENDS. This new excitement in my life started creating a new mindset, new patterns/habits. Except it ended up being toxic patterns/behaviour. Lying, stealing, manipulation, back stabbing, just to name a few. Being fake became the new me. It started getting out of hand when I would start stealing money from my parents just so I can buy lunch and stuff for these so called friends. It became a habit to start buying my friendship with others. This all came crashing down, in grade 7, when my "friend" convinced me to purchase a cap gun and bring it to him at school. When he got caught and the police got called, who do you think everyone pointed fingers at. You got it.....ME. With old school european parents, I don't need to explain how that scenario ended.
At age 15, I met a boy. It was my first real relationship. That's where my independent life started. I left home because I was given the ultimatum of "follow our rules or get out". I saw this as my get out of jail free card. Remember in elementary school I created the patterns/habits of lies, manipulation, etc? Now in my teens, free on my own, still in that mindset pattern, you can image the self destruction I was creating for myself. I started drinking, smoking, having sex, and trying drugs. All to be accepted and still trying to fit in. When that relationship didn't work, I'd replace it with someone new, just so I didn't have to go home. Or if I did go home, find a new guy as soon as I could, so I can be quick enough to leave.
This vicious cycle did not stop until I was 31. I met an incredible guy. I believed maybe this was it. I had enough experiences in my life to write a series of novels and it was time to settle down. I thought I had grown up. I thought I transformed and broke my patterns/habits. It ended up that God had a different plan for me. This was the last relationship that taught me the only abuse I never understood or knew of, Psychological abuse. In my opinion, the most dangerous one. Physical, yes, in some cases can kill you. But that is the act of someone physically doing it to you. Sexual, plays a role with emotional abuse. Psychological abuse is the act that you allow someone, without your awareness, to manipulate you in such a toxic way, that you actually lose yourself completely. It's intensely self destructive because it is a vicious cycle of emotional and mental abuse all rolled into one.
In May 2015 I was admitted to the hospital, with what I would had considered, my near death experience. I was struggling to physically walk without losing my balance, out of nowhere. I was so scared that I was never going to be able to be independently mobile again. I’ve never been in that state before. Five days later I was walking a bit better and the doctors let me go with my diagnosis........EXTREME PANIC/ANXIETY. Are you f*cking kidding me? That's it? There's no way. Wtf is extreme panic/anxiety? I had to get answers. They were wrong. There was something more going on that they couldn't see. These were all the negative thoughts going through my head. When I had left the hospital, I was on a mission to figure out what had just happened to me. First I tried meds and that was just a disaster of an experience. And I tried a variety of them, nothing really helped me feel better, instead made me feel worse. Through a woman I had met, I was guided to try reiki. Since I was refusing to go through the route of medications I figured, why not. What’s the worse thing that could happen? In 2013, I had opened up on a spiritual aspect of understanding myself through some healing sessions with Master Lee, for about a month or two. So I was familiar with energy healing but never tried reiki. I started doing a session a week. My second session in, I had my first out of body experience. This opened a door to a whole different direction in my life. A direction that I never thought I could possibly endure.
Fast forwarding to 2020, with so much healing, wisdom and awareness about my upbringing, my life and myself, I reflect on that day fully aware and understanding that out of body experience was the start of many experiences that were going to help me evolve into the woman I am today. I believe that there are so many stages we go through in this personal growth journey. But there is that first initial one that opens the doors to this whole new world. This different perception of life. The path of evolvement.
You see, without these experiences throughout my life, I wouldn't be where I am right now, able, willing, and passionate towards guiding others into finding their true selves. I started to blog through wordpress in 2015, just to share my thoughts. In April of 2017, my deceased grandfather had come to visit me, through a meditation, where we had a conversation where he had mentioned to me that I was like an Angel, here to watch over people, guide them through difficult times since I’ve had so many experiences that many could resonate with. This is when I decided to open an online store to sell intentional products, card readings and share wisdom, from myself and others, that were and continue to guide me on my journey. I decided to name my company Our Angel's Guidance.
In October 2019, I had another visit, in a healing session, from my deceased uncle, reminding me of a conversation we had the week before his passing. He had also mentioned that my calling was to guide and inspire others to find themselves and achieve their greatness. With all of this wisdom and knowledge I continue to obtain over the years, I felt I needed a fresh start, something to reflect my journey, and that’s when I decided to change my company name to Evolve Within (February 2020) and rebrand it in June 2020. It needed it to resemble my purpose, my why.
To guide others to awaken to their own truth, to not be ashamed of their journey and to create a movement for us to feel confident enough to share our stories to inspire and uplift others.
I began my evolution within. Now it's your turn to...
Begin Your Evolution Within with Evolve Within.