is the invisible force that keeps us running, restless, in pursuit of some intangible goal.
Caught up in some unnecessary activity.
Makes us escape into thinking.
Makes the body feel unsafe.
Makes the present moment into an enemy.
If we slow down. If we stop.
If we rest. If we simply do nothing.
Then we will have to face ... ourselves.
We will have to face buried feelings.
All the sh*t we were running from.
All the darkness. The gunk. The muck.
The loneliness. The boredom. The emptiness.
Trauma says “run!”.
Trauma says “stillness is dangerous!”.
Trauma says “Do Not Rest!”.
We have to start by proving to ourselves that it is safe to rest! Safe to be still. Safe to do nothing, just for a moment. Safe to think our thoughts and feel our feelings ...
... and not ‘fix’ the moment.
We can begin - one moment at a time - to digest all the undigested things inside. Stay with sadness for a moment longer. Be present with our joy. Breathe into our anxiety instead of running from it. Become curious about our discomfort instead of distracting ourselves with (unnecessary food, drink, cleaning, drugs, sex, shopping, Internet, thinking, talking, yoga, seeking, rumination, spiritual practice...)
We can begin to challenge the core story at the heart of trauma: That the present moment is unsafe. That the body is against us. That feelings are dangerous.
That stillness equals death and destruction.
That we have to ‘do’ something in order to be worthy, and loved, and safe, and whole.
It takes courage to stop running.
It takes courage to lean into the storm.
It takes courage to touch the darkness inside with the infinite light of our curious attention.
It takes courage to break the addiction to future.
And be here now.
And not know.
~ Jeff Foster