To All My Ex’s

I apologize for not being a better man. Not just for you but for myself. 

I’m sorry I lost myself in you. In our relationship. My own life was clearly waning. I was ‘looking for something’ that was missing most of my life. 

I’m sorry I didn’t know how to ask for the space I needed. Hell I didn’t even know I needed space to be honest. 

I’m sorry that when I realized this and finally took the space and time I needed you experienced it as abandonment. How could you not. 

I’m sorry I thought if I could just make you happy then I’d be happy. I forgot about me first and then expected you to do that. Then when you couldn’t (and how could you) I resented you for not giving as much as me

Im sorry that I tried to ‘win’ you over in the beginning instead of just being myself and being ok with not being liked back. I created a false identity for you to love. 

I’m sorry I was so busy trying to gain your approval and ‘get you to like me’ that I forgot to like myself. 

I’m sorry I was too worried about hurting you to really speak my truth. I ended up hurting you more. 

I’m sorry for the times you experienced me as shut down and not available. Again I didn’t know how to be available to myself 

I’m sorry that I hurt you because I didn’t know how to be a better man.  

I am learning 🙏

~ Dean Powell

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