(For a reason or for no reason at all)
Your world cracks open
Or the world cracks you open
Old reference points collapse
The ground beneath you opens up
And swallows your cleverness
You feel like you don’t exist anymore
You feel like a void in a voided world
And you cannot find a home
And you cannot find a place to ground yourself
And you reach out
Grasping like a baby for mother
You want to scream but adults don’t scream
You want to cry but it’s just not done
You don’t know who you are
You don’t know what’s real
You crave something external to validate yourself
A person. A substance. Drink. Food. Drugs.
Something to distract you
Shopping. Facebook. Control. Codependency. Anything.
You feel like you might disappear at any moment
Unless someone sees you
Unless you are known in another’s eyes
You feel like you need an ‘other’ to be a self
You feel like you need to be reflected
(And even if you are surrounded by people
Family. Loved ones. Community.
This ancient wound can flare up inside you)
Who are you without any distraction?
Are you real without a ‘yes’ from the world?
Were you ever real?
These questions swirl
The restless mind goes mad with questions
The body strains and aches
What to do?
Where to go?
Where to find peace? Just for a moment?
Friend. I am here with you.
You are not breathing when you think so much
Life is only a moment
Let’s come back to this ground
The way the shoulders feel
The sounds you can hear right now
What can you hear?
Let’s come back to this soft presence
What’s real. Not what’s imagined.
The weight of the arms
The rising and falling of the belly and chest
The heat. The light. The pulse of life.
This safe place
Let’s watch the spinning mind rather than getting caught in it
The mind does not know the future
Let’s breathe through the chaos of thought
Bless it but never be its slave
Sense the space around thought
Be the sky for its clouds
Let’s gently allow physical sensations in the head
The neck. The belly. The legs. The feet.
Allow the heaviness, the density, the tingles and the flutters
Allow the resistance, the frustration, the sorrow, the pain of living
Allow ourselves to not be able to allow ourselves
This is our job now. To do nothing.
To do nothing except sense and soften into the imperfection of this moment
To tend to the wounded one inside
instead of seeking solutions out there
To bless the broken heart instead of trying to bandage it up
To infuse the loneliness with a rich awareness
instead of depriving it of oxygen
To be here, with our beautiful broken selves
To know the wholeness. Where we are now.
Not in the future. But now.
To love the unloved one, here
The abandoned child who lives within us all
Not an error to be corrected
But a precious one to be embraced
Some have buried the child deep
Some have tried to suffocate it
Some are ashamed of it
Some run from it
You alone have the courage to meet it now
You alone have the courage to breathe into the lost one, moment by moment
And in this breathing, hope begins
And in this death, we find more life
And in this void, we find plentiful life
And in this nothingness, we find abundant life
And in this lost place, we find ourselves alive
Broken but alive
Imperfect but victorious
We have survived
Rediscovered our courage
Our wounds are not mistakes
They are perfectly placed today
To teach us. Guide us
Show us the ways of love
We are broken and unbroken
We are babies and we are warriors
We are both full and empty
We cannot be resolved
We cannot be understood
We are too alive to be understood
We hold all paradoxes in a vast awareness
We begin again in every Now
We are One, we are Two
You are my brother, my sister
We all know the same original separation
We were all born from the same Mother
We all walk the same path
Day by day
we are all learning
to live again.
~ Jeff Foster