By 0sho


Relationship cannot happen before the egos are gone.

 

Otherwise people only believe that it is a relationship. In reality it is a conflict, enmity, jealousy, aggression, domination, possession, and many things but not relationship.

 

The word 'relationship' is beautiful. 

The original meaning of the root from which the word 'to relate' comes is exactly the same as 'to respond'.

 

Relationship comes from that word 'respond'.

 

If you have any image of your wife or husband, you cannot respond, and hence relate, to the truth of the person. And we all go on carrying images.”

 

There are many kinds of relationship,

but nowhere that of relating.

 

All relationships are of possession, the husband possesses the wife, the wife possesses the husband, the parents possess the children, and so on and so forth.

 

To possess is not to relate. 

In fact to possess is to destroy all possibilities of relating.

 

If you relate, you respect; you cannot possess. 

If you relate, there is great reverence. 

If you relate, you come very close, very very close, in deep intimacy, overlapping.

 

Still the other's freedom is not interfered with, still the other remains an independent individual. The relationship is that of I-thou, not that of I-it -- overlapping, interpenetrating, yet in a sense independent.”

 

“All relatedness can happen only afterwards, when one has learned how to be alone.

 

Only a person who knows how to be alone can be loving.

 

All others are just pretending to love; in fact they are just finding somebody to be occupied with.

 

Their relationship is neurotic, it is pathological.

 

It is not relationship at all...because they cannot be with themselves. They have to be with somebody -- anybody!

 

They want to be involved with something, they want to do something so that they can avoid their loneliness.

 

This is Relationship cannot happen before the egos are gone.”

 

Otherwise people only believe that it is a relationship. In reality it is a conflict, enmity, jealousy, aggression, domination, possession, and many things but not relationship.

 

The word 'relationship' is beautiful. The original meaning of the root from which the word 'to relate' comes is exactly the same as 'to respond'.

 

Relationship comes from that word 'respond'. If you have any image of your wife or husband, you cannot respond, and hence relate, to the truth of the person. And we all go on carrying images.”

 

There are many kinds of relationship, but nowhere that of relating. All relationships are of possession, the husband possesses the wife, the wife possesses the husband, the parents possess the children, and so on and so forth.

 

To possess is not to relate. In fact to possess is to destroy all possibilities of relating. If you relate, you respect; you cannot possess. If you relate, there is great reverence. If you relate, you come very close, very very close, in deep intimacy, overlapping.

 

Still the other's freedom is not interfered with, still the other remains an independent individual. The relationship is that of I-thou, not that of I-it -- overlapping, interpenetrating, yet in a sense independent.”

 

“All relatedness can happen only afterwards, when one has learned how to be alone. Only a person who knows how to be alone can be loving. All others are just pretending to love; in fact they are just finding somebody to be occupied with.

 

Their relationship is neurotic, it is pathological. It is not relationship at all...because they cannot be with themselves. They have to be with somebody -- anybody! They want to be involved with something, they want to do something so that they can avoid their loneliness.

 

This is not love. 

They are simply using the other and the other is using them. They are just in a mutual kind of exploitation.

 

How can there be love when there is so much need and so much dependence?”

 

“Love is possible only when there is independence, freedom, when one can relate for no other purpose than relating; when relationship is unmotivated there is no exploitation, and one remains alone, even while relating.

 

Only two beautifully alone persons can come together and have a beautiful experience of being together.

 

But the first requirement is that they should be established in their aloneness. If they are not established there, then all their relationship is just avoiding, escaping.” 

not love.

 

They are simply using the other and the other is using them. They are just in a mutual kind of exploitation. How can there be love when there is so much need and so much dependence?”

 

“Love is possible only when there is independence, freedom, when one can relate for no other purpose than relating; when relationship is unmotivated there is no exploitation, and one remains alone, even while relating. Only two beautifully alone persons can come together and have a beautiful experience of being together.

 

But the first requirement is that they should be established in their aloneness.

 

If they are not established there, 

then all their relationship is just avoiding, escaping.”

 


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